I'm broken.

So my want to have another baby isn't coming from my womb anymore. It's now a sadness, a heaviness in my heart. My heart freaking aches. My body doesn't know what to do again... it doesn't know whether it's coming or going, waxing or waning. I thought this was supposed to come naturally. I'm just not the same person anymore, I just feel like the spark is gone, there's just a dim light keeping me breathing. Trying to create another life has sucked the life and the spirit out of me. Every time I feel a breath of hopefulness, it's sucked out of me even more quickly than it came.

I feel like I'm being punished. I feel like I did something to deserve this, all I want to do is give my daughter a little sister. I see all these women have no problem getting pregnant-- and it makes me angry. I was even one of those women once... but now... I'm not, I'm broken. I suppose that's a common theme in my life...

::sigh::